Murmuration

This video is so awesome it made the little hairs on my arms stand up and tears come to my eyes. I would love to witness such a thing but this video and their genuine reaction almost made me feel like I was there. 

Murmuration (Official Video) by Sophie Windsor Clive & Liberty Smith

Fall Durango Trip

Some last minute 'timing' issues has caused us to scramble to make new vacations plans in a hurry.
Sooo... we leave in 4 days! Saturday morning we're flying to Durango Colorado for the week!!!

I've always wanted to go, but I'm certain I will break my leg if I attempt skiing, so the crisp air and spectacular mountain scenery of Autumn seems like the perfect time for us to go. Perhaps a bit late in the year but we'll see. You'll see too if you want, because I'm making an online journal of sorts, I'll add the link below. It's like my very own online travel guide I guess, and once I get there I can post pictures and journal about the details. Family and friends follow our 'photo trail' while we're there (I love you Mom!). I'll be updating the journal with photos and notes in real time as we explore.

My Durango Vacation Journal

Gorgeous Fall Colors

We reserved a cozy cabin with a rock fireplace here on Lake Vallecito

Don't Water The Weeds

"Takes One To Know One"

Guilt and Resentment

are states of mind that destroy love and create suffering. 

They seem to be caused by what happened but they're not. 

They are caused by how we relate to what happened. 

Fortunately, since we created them, we can also release them.
I did, after suffering for years, and what one man (or woman) can do, so can another. That's my goal in talking about it here. I see needless suffering in people I love. I see bitter emotionally shut-down people who are tormented by feelings of guilt and resentment, unaware that what they are thinking about others is exactly what they can't forgive in themselves. 

The old children's retort 

"Takes one to know one" is actually quite profound. 

When you notice faults or problems with other people, you are revealing what you think is wrong with yourself.

Think about it - you cannot "recognize" in another what isn't, in some form within you, it is impossible to recognize something completely foreign to you. 

Guilt 

I think the key to releasing this guilt is to recognize that we all go through life doing the very best we can with the extremely limited skills and awareness that we have at the time. Unfortunately, the awareness that we have is seldom enough. As a result we make mistakes. Sometimes we make big ones. Making mistakes is part of the human process. This is how we learn. Every time you make a mistake you learn a little more about life. You then become wiser and more aware. Five years from now you will be much wiser than you are today, but the wisdom you will have five years from now doesn't do you any good today. Because today, you just don't have it. Likewise the wisdom that you have today didn't do you any good back when you made your mistake. This is true because back then, you didn't know what you know today. You only knew what you knew. To see this in my life, I had to go back in time to the moment I made my mistake. I noticed that at the time, I had a very particular state of mind and a very particular way of seeing life. I also notice that I acted totally consistent with where I was at the moment. If I knew then what I know today, I would have acted very differently, but I didn't. Even if I thought I knew better, I didn't know the consequences like I do today. So here's the big question: Are you willing to forgive yourself for not knowing?  Are you willing to forgive yourself for not being wiser and more aware?  You might as well. If you look, you did the very best you could with where you were at the time. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not being wiser and more aware.  Forgive yourself for acting consistent with your limited awareness and forgive yourself for the damage that you caused as a result of your not knowing. Allow yourself to be human.... Maya Angelou said "When you know better you do better."

Resentment 

When you have a resentment, a huge part of you shuts down. You become bitter and less able to express your love. You lose your joy for life. You put up walls of protection and you make your life more difficult. Letting go of a resentment is not for the benefit of the other person. Letting go of a resentment is for you. When you resent someone, you are saying very forcefully, that the other person is the problem, the cause and the fault. Not you. You forcefully blame the other person so you don't have to look at yourself. If you looked at yourself, you would have to experience all the hurt from what happened. You would have to feel all the hurt of being not good enough, not worthy of love, or some other form of not okay. To avoid this hurt, you resent. The first step in releasing a resentment is to be willing to feel this hurt. Look beneath the resentment and find the hurt. Find the feelings of being not good enough or not worth loving that you are avoiding. Then be willing to experience them. Cry if you can. Once you are willing to feel this hurt, you no longer need the resentment. The next step is to notice that the person you resent has a very particular state of mind and a very particular way of seeing life. Notice that this person has a very limited awareness and acts totally consistent with his or her limited skills and ability. Now notice that if this person was wiser and more aware, then he or she would be able to act very differently, but the person isn't wiser and more aware. This person only has the limited awareness that he or she has. Notice that this person is doing the very best he or she can with his or her very limited ability. Notice how much this person suffers as a result of his or her limited equipment. Now ask yourself.... Are you willing to forgive this person for not being wiser and more aware?  Are you willing to forgive this person for acting consistent with his or her limited ability? Are you willing for forgive this person for the damage that was caused? Remember - forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is a choice. Let go of it and get on with your life.

Forgiving Is NOT Excusing

Forgiving Is Not Excusing

So what is forgiveness?
Do you believe it's a gift you give to someone else?
Do you believe you can only forgive people who deserve your forgiveness?
If you do I would suggest you're confusing forgiving with excusing and accepting with condoning.

I did that for years and I wasn't very happy. Like a lot of people I carried guilt for things long past. Some were real, some were never under my control so not real, some were exaggerated in my mind, and some were left-over childhood thinking. Most were pushed down deep but like a filter over my eyes were still coloring my thinking none the less.

FORGIVE.... NOT because they deserve it, 

but because YOU deserve it!

Forgiveness turns down the heat under your pressure cooker so to speak. If you don't turn down the heat, you'll eventually cook yourself or explode. Endless anger will poison every relationship you have. I see this all the time, and if your anger doesn't actively drive others away, it prevents intimacy from growing.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

For as long as you are unable to forgive another, 

you are also unable to forgive yourself. That's the real magic!

You see there's a secret about those who have the most trouble forgiving others. It's only a problem for them because they have difficulty forgiving themselves. 

The Challenges.
The challenges of forgiving others are just the same as the causes of anger. You either think they did what MUST NOT be done to a star like you, or they didn't do what MUST be done for a star like you. In any case, they are worms. They well DESERVE whatever harm can be sent their way. By applying these same ideas to yourself, you'll be unable to forgive even you.

In saying this, I don't mean to condone even the smallest harm that people have done to each other. History clearly shows that we humans are fully capable of hurting each other in very brutal and cruel ways. We can deplore these acts. We can do everything we can to prevent them. But, no matter how inhumane we rate harmful acts done by humans, they are not inhuman. History proves humans can act very, very badly. So honestly, you and I have no sensible reason to believe that humans MUST not act badly toward us. This same point holds true for the universe in general. The 'badness" of an event doesn't serve as proof that it MUST NOT happen. Clearly, the universe is capable of doing whatever it, in fact, does. The universe is not out of whack because you get hurt. Right?

I think it's hard because we confuse acceptance with approval. Just because you accept that certain things happen in the world in general, or people in particular, doesn't mean that you approve of those things. You must accept them though.

It's like this.... 
If you're going to get yourself to buckle your safety belt, you had better accept that you could be in a car accident. You don't have to approve of people being hurt in accidents, but you had better accept it. If you don't accept this fact, you have no reason to buckle up. Refusing to accept that auto accidents can happen to you doesn't reduce your chance of an accident. In fact such refusals may actually raise your odds of being in an auto accident because you drive less carefully. If you don't buckle up, you are just that much more likely to be hurt should an accident actually happen.

I think the same point holds true with the universe in general. While you can't change everything, you can change some things, but even the things that can be changed must first be accepted. Otherwise you will never be able to properly deal with them. If you forget that acceptance and approval are not the same thing, you will not only find it difficult to accept some things, you will find it almost impossible.

Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting! 
We learn by experience. If you touch a hot stove, you can learn to be more careful around hot stoves in the future. You can't learn this lesson if you forget about the hot stove you touched. Remembering the way people have behaved in the past doesn't mean throwing it up to them at every opportunity. That's only an attempt to hurt them now for the pain they brought you in the past. Remembering means using what you learned from the past to make better predictions about the future. If you forget the past, you cannot learn from it.

People who have hurt you once in these ways may not necessarily do it again. BUT, before you take another risk, you are wise to look for evidence you won't be hurt in that way again. 

People can change. But, unless a person's environment has greatly changed, or the person has been diligently and consistently working on change, the chances are the person will keep right on doing what they have been doing up to now. And this is true for all humans including you and me.

Forgiving doesn't mean excusing! 
I really had to put a lot of thought into this and I can only come up with two reasons to excuse what someone has done. 

1. The first reason is that making 'restitution' or 'fixing it' is impossible or undesirable. Lol you ran over my dog so I'll run over your dog. What, then we'll be even?
2. The second reason to excuse what someone has done is you don't think anything further needs to happen in order for the person to learn from their experience. Read that again.... You don't think anything further need occur in order for the person to learn from their experience. People can often learn quickly from their first mistake. Excuse those people, we all make mistakes. 

Now unfortunately, some people refuse to take responsibility for what they have done. These people can't learn from their behavior because they insist they are not responsible for their actions or that what they did was not an error at all. You can forgive them but you can't excuse them, THEY WILL HURT YOU AGAIN. 

So what to do?

The most difficult part of forgiving for me is overcoming the anger and getting yourself to work hard to do it. Righteous indignation is like a drug or alcohol. It feels good for a moment but quickly fades. It's easy to want to re-play the event in your head. 'Righteous Indignation' feels good, it strokes the ego, but the effect is short-lived and the side-effects are more suffering. By holding onto that anger or grudge - you bind yourself to that person or event. You allow them space to live in your mind. You think of them when you'd rather not. You replay in your head the nasty things they said. You've give them your power. If they want to ruin your day, they can with a few choice words (maybe even a look). You've given them the power to cause you to have a total meltdown, maybe saying and doing things you would otherwise never say or do. Yep you just took another swig. It felt good in the heat of the moment. How does it feel afterward though? You've given away all your power. Trust me forgiving is the key that unbinds you.

Remember: acceptance doesn't mean approval, and forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or excusing.

One last thing.
What about when someone is holding a grudge against you? They've declared war and decided that you are the 'enemy'? Their ego wants another gulp from that bottle of righteous indignation. These people are bitter and toxic and they are causing their own suffering. I bet you're not the only person they claim to be victimized by. I bet they see their whole life as filled with injustices. They are miserable, they are toxic, and they will try to make you as unhappy as they are. Try to develop a detached empathy for these people's suffering, they swig from that same bottle, and 'righteous indignation' feeds their ego and gives them a brief relief from their misery. Forgive them anyway.

You don't need to tell them this, in fact you might get 

punched in the nose for your trouble! 

Understand they don't want your forgiveness, they are trapped in their ego, trapped in their past. They may or may not ever come around. Remember forgiving isn't for them anyway - it's for you.

Avoid them if you can, have clear boundaries when you can't. Be prepared to protect your personal space if necessary. Toxic people will try to make you doubt yourself, so be warned. Don't allow them to control how you feel.

What people 'think' about you is none of your business anyway. What people 'think' is all about them - not you. 

What people are 'thinking' is happening in their head not yours. It's a thought process that's all about their core beliefs which is all about their past. NOT you. I try to just imagine the lifetime of real or perceived hurts and injustices (real or perceived - the mind can't tell the difference) that this person who claims to hate me, has stored up in their mind. Those are the things that affect what they are thinking about me. We all see the world thru the colored filters of our individual minds.

Let it go - it's got nothing to do with you.

Pink Zote Homemade Laundry Soap

I like saving money and I like living simply so when I noticed all these homemade laundry soap recipes pins going up with glowing reviews at Pinterest (which I also love) I was intrigued but I resisted because... I don't know.... I want my laundry to be clean but I really like my laundry to feel and smell clean too. Anyway I finally decided to give it a try. I am so glad I did I really love it! 

Now I have enough soap to do more than 400 loads of laundry. That's enough for more than a load a day for a whole year - for a few pennies per load or less than $25 for a year supply. I spent $23 using coupons and shopping around (my local Brookshire Bros grocery store was cheaper than Walmart).

There are lots of recipes for both liquid and dry soaps which are basically 20 Mule Team Borax, Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda and grated soap - either Fels-Naptha or Zote. There's even one using blue Dawn liquid dish soap in the liquid recipes.

I chose this dry recipe since my right wrist is wimpy and the heavy liquid soaps are hard to lift and pour. I bought pink Zote for the soap because that's what my local store happened to have.

• 1 (4 lb 12 oz) Box of Borax
• 1 (3 lb 7 oz) Box of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
• 1 (3 lb) Container of OxyClean (smaller 1.3 lb size in photo)
• 2 (14.1 oz) Bars of Zote Soap (you can also use Fels Naptha)
• 2 (2 lb) Boxes of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda (missing from photo sorry)

I had heard Zote soap expands in the microwave and crumbles like powder after it's cooled so instead of grating it I tried that (again the wrist thing). Actually it was pretty fun to watch because it puffs up like cotton candy. Below is what was left 'unpuffed' in a batch I just cooked. I microwaved it again just to show it puff up.

It crumbled down to a light pink powder with a spoon, but I got impatient microwaving it in small amounts like the instructions said (I tried to do a half a bar at a time but the bottom burned and really stunk up the house before it all the soap expanded). Sooo I skipped the microwave altogether dropping the raw chunks into my little food processor and surprisingly it worked pretty well. A little grainy-er but good enough I think.

I only use 1 tbsp per load, 2 for Derick's work clothes, I KNOW what you're thinking, I added that little scoop of soap to my first wash load and it took EVERYTHING I HAD NOT to add just one more tbsp! It doesn't make much suds and I know it's hard to accept but it's true - bubbles don't clean your clothes, the agitator does! Apparently it's all about getting the ph of your water just right to release the dirt. (I also add white vinegar to the rinse cycle and am using fabric sheets in the dryer until I run out) There's plenty of specific information about it on the internet. 

DIY Painted Plywood Floor

We decided to use a dry-brush technique to paint the plywood floor for the time being. I leveled it the best I could and sanded it but seriously didn't worry about it too much. The whole point is we want it to look 'chippy' and old like it has always there. We used the same flat Antique White we used inside and under the cabinets, because it was there. I thinned it down with a little water and used a wash cloth to dab the excess water from the paintbrush before I lightly dry-brushed onto the weathered plywood floor. The paint hit all the rough edges in the wood highlighting the grain and knot holes, but also all my patchwork and leveling compound. I worried over how it was going to come out but kept going. I figured if worse came to worse I could repaint the whole thing solid white. I distressed it even more with my little palm sander once the paint was dry. I was really surprised at how much I liked it once I stood back and looked at it as a whole. I think it looks perfect.

Rustic DIY Decorating Ideas For Small Loft Apt

At Pinterest I have a collection of decorating and DIY ideas for the loft we built over the barn.
I like things that are natural and rustic and have big texture. Considering the loft is literally the hay loft above our barn, I'd like it to reflect that in the decor. Barn-wood, vintage, re-purposed farm tools, natural elements and textures, wildlife prints, and re-purposed items, etc. It's small though so I need things that can serve multiple uses. I'm a DIY'er and I'm cheap too, so if I can make it instead of buy it, I will.
These are some of my favorites.........

Re-purposed Wooden Spool - Bookshelf / Coffee Table / Extra Seating with a cushion.

If you enjoyed these, you can see the rest of my Barn Loft Ideas here, or all my collections at Chelle's Pinterest Boards.

As I Ponder The Love I Saw In Daddy's Eyes

In Loving Memory Of My Dad

Harold Burch

 May 23, 1934 ~ May 5, 2012

My father took up painting in his 60's. These are just a few of the many paintings he did.

Maniacal Laughing Owls In The Backyard

Maniacal laughing sounds come from the woods behind us.

We have Barred Owls most commonly called Hoot Owls. This is the owl with the  distinctive call "Hoo, hoo, too-HOO; hoo, hoo, too-HOO, ahh ". The kid's remembered it by saying “Who, cooks, for-YOU? Who, cooks, for-YOU, all?”

No other owl gives a hoot like this owl’s hoot, but it has a wide variety of other vocalizations too, and that's what sounds so creepy. Our friends who are unfamiliar with the nighttime language of these owls are either in for a real treat, a real scare! They can screech, scream, hiss, squeak, whisper, whistle, cry, bark, buzz, growl, and even laugh. It's a wicked laughter like a bunch of maniacs laughing hysterically in the woods. I think they are the loudest here in the late winter/early spring breeding season when they get especially raucous.

Backyard Birds Singing

Just sitting on the little porch of the loft with a cup of coffee listening to the birds sing. Mostly Carolina Wrens and Cardinals! I never have my camera when I really need it. So I missed a great video yesterday. I was watering some flowers when a male Ruby-throated Hummingbird came from across the yard to bathe in the mist just a foot away from me. He hovered in the air catching water droplets at first, then perched on the Gardenia bush and held his wings open - to cool off I guess.
I misted him until my thumb gave out.... and he took off.

DIY Vinyl Plank Flooring

I got the bathroom floor put down in the loft. We used vinyl peel and stick plank flooring because it was cheap, easy to cut and install, and I can get it at Lowe's down the road. I'm very happy with the wood look.

I didn't cover the floor under where the vanity will sit. 

I wanted to save as much vinyl planking as I could just in case I cut any wrong.

This is the Henry 547 I leveled the floor with. It was easy to work with and sand-able so you can knock down any ridges or mistakes and spread another thin layer! I used "the pink stuff" quickset some years ago and it dried so fast it was a nightmare! Also the pink stuff is NOT sand-able like the Henry 547 is.

When it was completely dry I applied the adhesive primer to ensure the peel and stick vinyl planks adhere well. I will add the name of it when I find it.

 Gunstock Oak Luxury Vinyl Plank Flooring from Lowe's. For straight cuts I used a square and box cutter to score the topside then bend the tiles to easily break them. I used a pair of scissors to do some extra trimming around the door frame and trim.

Each wood-look plank is 6"W x 48"L -  $.88 sq ft. with 20 planks per box 

but you can buy them by the plank to get exactly what you need.

Cocoa approves....

Pictures of vanity cabinet make-over soon.

The Vision For The Barn Loft Apt

When I first started, I made a 3D mock-up of the loft over the barn before we ever started it. I used Autodesk but there are many programs that do this. I could move around the kitchen and bathroom layouts, windows etc. until it felt right to me. 

I'm still not finished but couldn't resist making a collage of the vision, the half-way, and the after (well more like progress).

Barn Raising Photos

Derick thought I was crazy when I told him I thought that with my Dad's help we could build a barn with a sweet loft apt above it for cheap, using as much salvaged materials as I can scrape up. I lovingly call him 'left-brain' because he's about the least visual person I know. My description of a barn clad in used fence pickets, a roof of rusty tin salvaged from the hurricane Rita clean-up, and hay loft decorated with junk to make a guest quarters.... well let's just say he did not see my vision! He eventually relented and trusted me  though and we started building our barn. It's a good size (24' x 33'). We decided to position it in the very back of our property, and fix up the loft for overnight guests. The barn has the usual stuff like a workbench and tools but also has a pool table and dart board so it's a multi-purpose barn! It's a great place for parties. It's been slow going but we're getting there. We've had many starts and stops for one reason or another time is an issue but most usually it's money. I've had to remind left-brain often that I said cheap - not free. Here's some pictures taken through-out the different phases of construction. You can click the pictures to enlarge them and I'm also using Thinglink which allows me to make notes on the photos.  

16 4" x 6" treated posts

The cement truck was scheduled to arrive early while these nice shadows cast across our foundation

It arrived 3 hours late on this 100* day we almost died!

We saved money buying the pink studs. The pink thing will become the loft. 

The buzzards enjoy sitting on it, check-out the shadow I caught on the wall.

The rusty corrugated tin I got for free looks good

 

The work was/is really hard this vision of the loft apt I made at Autodesk kept me motivated.

Most paint websites have online virtual painter's to see wall paint choices 

We could never have done it without my Dad's help.

So close to having the loft finished

Those virtual online painter's I mentioned made me a little insane with so many choices! But I like Valspar 'Organic Garden'.